WINTER
Maidenhead
I think about death
Because that’s what men think about
I think about time, the passage of time
The hopelessness of everything
I listen to the roar of silence
In half an hour it will be dark
You ask me if I believe in another life after this
I don’t even believe in this one…
I just want to curl up in a ball
And wait for sleep to take me
If I can just get to Maidenhead
It seems all anybody wants is to die happy
You say to yourself, through gritted teeth
If I can do that once, I can do that twice
I can get through this life
Trying to keep the darkness out
Because once it leaks, it floods, and I start sinking
I think about death…
Death
So drink with me now
For it was a good life
Let’s show that we are happy
The way he’d have wanted us to be
Life is just a stay of execution
And death is just taking
Our heads out of the sand
We should live, drink, dance
While we still can
How can we be down
About such little things?
We should be singing
Let God know we’re here
Break the silence
With the sound rising
With the sound bursting
Bursting from our chests
Like our breath in the air
Visible in the cold
You wake up smiling
And then you remember
What happened
It all comes back to you
And you start to cry
Nothing is eternal
Except the deep silence
Of souls leaving bodies
The silence of those left behind
So let’s drink to him now
For it was a good life
And let’s talk about this thing
That we never speak of
It’s not respectful
To feel sorry
For we may as well be
Sad about the sunset
But still celebrate
Every sunrise
Or love the daytime
And shy away
From the night
One Day We’ll Get Married
One day we’ll book a flight
And get married in San Francisco
With a stranger as our witness
Someone we meet on the Bridge
They can take the photos
We’ll buy them dinner to say thank-you
Then we’ll walk across the town
Stop for cocktails on Haight on the way
Maybe catch a film at the Castro
Or talk Hitchcock by the Bay
And we’ll end up in Martuni’s
Then walk back to the hotel
And wake up as Mr and Mrs…
And fly home as Mr and Mrs…
Coming Home
There’s no point putting the music on through here
And then going in the other room
There’s no point setting the heating to come on later
When you know you’re not coming home
Did you know you weren’t coming home?
There’s no point getting halfway through a book
Just to write an ending of your own
There’s no point sitting halfway through a film
And then deciding that you’re coming home
Did you know you weren’t coming home?
It seems to me the key is the people who were stopped
And are still around
It seems the key is the people who survived and changed their minds
On the way down
Two lovers stop you and ask
You to take their photo
Tears streaming down your face
They go and stand by the rail
The Bay behind them
Angel Island
And you’re already gone
You’re already gone
You’re already gone away…
It’s enough you’ve come this far
No matter how bad it may seem
There’s still a chance that things will change
It’s enough you’ve come so far
And though you dream of transformation
You will just be taken by the waves
Smashed and torn by the waves
There’s no point in changing in your mind
Once you’ve started to fall
There’s no point giving up completely
Just before you get the call
And there’s still a chance you’ll get the call
It seems to me the key is the people who were stopped
And are still around
It seems the key is the people who survived and changed their minds
On the way down
The Girl In The Book
The girl in every book I’ve read is always you
No matter how they describe her, she’s always you
I suppose the hero is always me
We end up together, just you and me
Oh… when I think about it
You are Christine and I am Lucky Jim
You are Holly in the New York City brownstone
You’re Maria and I am Robert Jordan
You are Virginia from The Lake Of The Coheeries or Laura
And I’m making you a mix-tape
Cecelia in the summer of ’34
Or Myrna in the Renault as we’re making our escape…
We danced in the meadow, we danced on the moors
We danced in Poland, between the wars
We danced in the Roxy and in the great house
We danced up in heaven until the pages ran out…
The girl in every book I read is always you
No matter what her name is, in my head she’s always you
Oh… when I think about it
You’re Claire, I am Henry, visiting you through time
You’re the girl, the girl with perfect ears
Searching for a sheep in the snow
You’re not named, I am Max De Winter
You’re Catherine Berkeley, I am confined to the hospital
You’re Beverley sleeping on the roof in the freezing New York night
Or Crepe Suzette in Notting Hill…
We danced in the hospital, we danced in Japan
We danced in the ballroom, we danced by the Seine
We danced in the night-time until the candles burned down
We danced to piano until the pages ran out…
Hold My Breath
I’d hold my breath
When I’d meet you
Hold my breath
I’d hold my breath
If I’d see you
Hold my breath
I’d be so nervous
When I’d meet you
Hold my breath
I found it helped
When I’m with you
Hold my breath
The Christmas Present
On this Christmas Day
Once they get home from church
Paul, thirteen years old
In his room, on his own
Unwraps the gift from his Dad
His Mum’s making dinner downstairs
He doesn’t want her to see
Because it would set her off, spoil the day
And it’s their first year on their own
Their first Christmas alone…
AUTUMN
Beachy Head
The mist came down quite suddenly
It drew me in, wrapped me round and held me here
A siren that is known to all
Harsh and real, somewhere comforting to go
I have always felt outside; does everybody feel they are
A disappointment to their parents and themselves?
The salt air decays all things round here
Mist so thick that the lighthouse can’t be seen…
Selfless
Caught up in the current of someone else’s torment
I ended up a long, long way from home
You said I was selfless, well, now I am
I lost myself in someone else
I lost myself in you
You said I was selfless
I lost myself in you
A satellite of you
I lost myself in someone else
I lost myself in you
A satellite of you
Well you see the same things too
It’s just the light takes a little longer to reach you
In your rarified, protected state
There’s no need to think about the loss or hate
Of someone else, you’re in mourning for yourself
You’re not selfish, but you’re self-absorbed
So you never know when the need is there in someone else
The black hole of your depression has worn me down
It’s worn me out; you used to hold on very tight
Just to keep the darkness out
I used to be able to break your moods
Just by listening, just by being there
But not now: the magic’s gone
I’ve nothing left to give: the magic’s gone…
The Haunted
The haunted…
The haunted…
Don’t you think it’s time to stop crying?
Don’t you think it’s time to start to live again?
Oh, so much sadness is not good for you
The haunted…
The haunted…
Don’t you think it’s time to stop crying?
Don’t you think it’s time to start to live again?
Don’t you think it’s time to stop fighting with your guilt?
Don’t you think it’s time to come to terms with all the things you’ve done
And start to live again?
Oh, so much sadness is not good for you
All your worries won’t come true
Give things a chance of working out for you…
All These Things
Now I’ve got all these things
What is it I do?
Now I’ve got all these things
What is it I do?
Am I missing something?
Can you help me please?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Now I’ve got all these things
What is it I do?
Now I’ve got all these precious things
Tell me what to do
Should I be happy now?
Is this what I’ve worked for?
Do you know?
Do you know?
Now I’ve got all these things
What is it I do?
Now I’ve got all these useless things
What exactly do I do?
Do I run away?
Can you help me please
Because I’m waiting here
Is there something wrong?
Do you know?
Do you know?
The Country Darkness
I’ve learned a lot about myself
I don’t like what I’ve found
So many times I’ve been convinced that I was right
I turned out to be wrong
I escaped the teenage darkness
Just to recreate my own
I’d get so maudlin, so sad, so full of guilt
So locked inside myself
I hid it all with humour
I hid it from myself
You said I’m generous with money and stuff
But not with things that matter
I was hiding in in a corner
Nothing much to say
The weight wasn’t lifting
I had to run away
But when your parents met
And they simply took me in
I was so grateful, I was so happy
That they accepted me
Even though they didn’t know me
I felt they were on my side
Even though I was so much older than you
They made me feel at home
I embraced the country darkness
And saw the southern skies
I saw your southern skies…
We Had Forever
All those wonderful nights
I can’t really remember them
All those long wasted days
I think I loved every one of them
We had forever…
Days stretching out as far as you can see
Time with no limits suddenly runs out
Pages from the calendar, torn up and thrown away
I looked at the clock, it seemed that time stood still
Then the seconds started moving
And I watched them speed away
We had forever
We had forever
It wasn’t enough
It wasn’t enough…
In The Photograph
Everybody’s happy in the photograph
Looking like they’re going to live forever
But you know that they had photos of their own
Photos of a time when things were better…
SUMMER
I Remember You
Some days it seemed
As though time had stopped
And the heat would last forever
We were running out of things to do
Nick was smoking, when you turned up out of the blue
He hid his cigarette behind his back
And the smoke curled up behind him as you spoke to him
And all I want to say is…
I remember you
Even though I only met you once or twice
I remember you
I can picture you and I want you to know that
I remember you
Though I hardly knew you at all
I remember you…
Oh, I can almost feel the heat pushing down out of the sky
The tar felt so hot that we could hardly walk
Playing tennis, drinking Colt 45, and hiding the cans in the bushes
Sun caught sleep boy on the bus back home…
Years later, I was Best Man at Nick’s wedding
And I wanted to tell the story of the cigarette
But I didn’t know if I should mention you
And when Nick made his speech
He cried and he cried and I wanted to tell him…
I remember you
Even though I only met you once or twice
I remember you
I can picture you and I want you top know that
I remember you
Though I hardly knew you at all
I remember you…
I know I hardly knew you at all, but
I remember you
Even though I never really got to know you
I remember you
Every Christmas Eve
I remember you
Every time that I’m back here
I remember you…
An Old Cricketer (For John Peel)
When an old cricketer leaves the crease
Unfinished business, empty airwaves
Every single brilliant thing we ever heard
We heard through you…
There’s nobody like you
I didn’t have an older brother to teach me
But I had you…
Lying awake, or standing out in a campsite
Eleven-thirty at night
My old red transistor pressed to my ear
To hear “Kiss Of Light”
You will never be replaced
Duane Eddy, Helen Love
Dean Parrish, Sonic Youth
Roy Harper, Magazine
Robert Wyatt, Fred Astaire
“Top Gear” Nineteen Seventy-Three
“Walls And Bridges” Seventy-Four
“Maid In Heaven” Seventy-Five
Number One in The Festive Fifty
On New Year’s Eve you played a whole side
Of “Sunburst Finish”
On New Year’s Day you played
The whole of side two
A thunder storm outside
Hilarious trailers
You and John Walters
And when he died, you played
“When An Old Cricketer Leaves The Crease”
Ivor Cutler, Neil Young
Captain Beefheart, Mary Love
Johnny Osbourne, Status Quo
Cornershop, Keving Coyne
Ivor Cutler, Neil Young
Captain Beefheart, Mary Love
Johnny Osbourne, Status Quo
Cornershop, Keving Coyne
Year after year, moved around
Weekend afternoons, after midnight
Always there
Cassette tapes
You were convinced you’d die
By bending down to pick something up
Or something silly like that
Always a friend for over thirty years
Just you and me and the music you brought me
You taught me decency: a code to live by
Open-mindedness, equality
And every single brilliant thing we ever heard
We heard through you
Now you leave behind
Your search for the perfect single
Along with everything you gave us
And a huge, huge gap
Suddenly It Was Summer
Storming out of the kitchen
Walking to the frozen river
A few seconds before awaking
Paint drips through the ceiling
And quietly splashed the colours of my day…
Suddenly it was summer
Moods just keep changing
I’m already feeling better
Like a new view of an old friend
There’s so much that we haven’t yet done
There’s so much that we haven’t yet done…
The Coast Of Capri
“Coast Of Capri
Frank Sinatra loved the Coast Of Capri”
That’s what you said to me
On the Coast Of Capri
That’s where you wanted to live
You never got there
And then you realised you only had so much time
Life just got in the way
Now there’s a ghost in Capri
Ah…
Living life slowly
After forty years of responsibility
You dreamed of getting out
To be the toast of Capri
That’s where you wanted to live
I think you’re there now
Dressed for dinner singing
“The Way You Look Tonight”
While you promenade
On the Coast Of Capri
Ah…
The Boy In The Picture
The message my Father carved in the rocks
When he was a boy is still there
Although it’s blurred and softened by the weather
And time and barely legible now
I used to reproach my Father for the things that he said
The things that he did, as though I was holier than he
But now I see so much of him in me
I say the same things, do the same things as he
And now the man has gone, leaving a boy still here
And I smile to myself affectionately
It’s not the man that’s gone, it’s the boy that’s gone
And the man still here is me…
Passing Lights
When you’re in the back seat of the car
And you have a cold
And you’re feeling drowsy
And it’s summer
And the sun is streaming in
And the engine
And the traffic
And the air-conditioning
And the drone of the engine
And you see the dust in the air
And feel the stickiness of the seat
And you can’t hear anything
They’re saying in the front
So you go into your own world
Just let them take you wherever…
Waking up again
The sound of the engine
It’s dark now
Cars are streaming past
You’re colder
And you’re grumpy
And you’re aching
Passing lights chasing angles
Drowsy, bad-tempered, cosy
They’re still talking in the front…
And then they’re not talking in the front…
SPRING
Tracing It Back
Sitting on top of the Brandenburg Monument
Berlin is asleep and I should be too
It’s getting light, and it’s freezing cold
And I’m thinking of you…
Tracing it back it wasn’t love at first sight
It took at least twenty minutes or so
Spread over nights when I’d smile then say goodnight
And then just go…
Tracing it back to the first time I saw you smile
Outside the School House as you went to get lunch
You looking up, you made it feel special
To be me…
Leaving Berlin, my safety belt fastened
My seat in the upright position again
Life is made up of things that might never have happened
But somehow did…
Tracing it back they all said it was temporary
But it’s lasted so long and it still seems so good
They’d never have said that you were the one for me
My love…
Tracing it back, it was an accident
That’s led to the happiest days of my life
The hostess comes over and asks me
If I’m OK
Because I’m sitting, laughing, with the love of it all
The love of it all…
As we come into land I lean on the window
London shines like a train-set below
Like the tips of a forest of tinsel Christmas trees
Winking up at me…
Keep Writing Your Dreams Down
You always want to shy away from this kind of intensity
It’s easier to turn away and let things just develop for themselves
The person who you used to be is someone you no longer see
A gap has opened up between you and who you wanted to be
Because you’re frozen in the real world, trapped by practicality
You’re always whining on about it, what do you ever do about it?
Sing what comes into your head, find a meaning for it afterwards
You always try to run away from any kind of honesty
Save it for another day when you’ll say exactly how you feel
As you stride along, a head full of indifference
An idea or a feeling – there’ll be time for that later on
Keep writing your dreams down in case one should come true one day
But it wouldn’t matter if it did if you wouldn’t live it anyway
I know how you used to see yourself
Because that’s the way I see you now…
Submerged by the greater need of the people that you care for
Spend your time and energy supporting someone else but what about yourself?
What about yourself?
Paths converging once again
The cold white air is slapping you
Telling you to sober up
All that idealism, all that energy and passion
Don’t let it go, don’t let it fade, I won’t let you be dissuaded
Keep writing your dreams down in case one should come true one day
But it doesn’t matter if they don’t, why don’t you live them anyway!
Tamaki Drive
Tamaki Drive, with its red, flowering Pohutukawa trees
Follows shoreline from Downtown to St Helier’s Bay
Where cyclists, walkers, skaters share the path
Kohimarama and Mission Bay
We run through London rain, dodging cars
As we cross Askew Road
And you turn to me, and you say to me:
“You always sing about escape
You always sing about escape
I’m being harsh, but it’s true…”
Tamaki Drive is the place that you go in your head
When you can’t face the world you know
And you’ve got to hide somewhere
I said “Yes, that is true, and I ‘d like
To escape there with you… until we feel better”
Paris, As You Turned Twenty-Nine
Paris, as you turned twenty-nine
Like Woody and Goldie, we danced by the Seine
You float through the air into my arms
We wanted to go see Herman Dune
At La Fleche D’Or, we didn’t know where it was
We asked for directions from the man in the hotel
But he told us wrong, sent us down
To a florist called Fleche on the wrong side of town
Sunday night, it was pouring down
Head over heels, we wandered around
In love in Paris as you turned twenty-nine…
So we missed the show
Made our way back to St Michael
Ate an Indian meal and heard a mouse inside the wall
Then we found a piano bar
You loved it so much, we stayed in there
Staggered out late into the cold night air
The sky was huge, full of French stars
We ran down quiet streets full of parked French cars
I wanted to touch your lips with my lips
All of your skin, my fingertips
In love in Paris as you turned twenty-nine
Paris, as you turned twenty-nine…
We Will Never Be This Young Again
We will never be this young again
You will remember this day
For the rest of your life…
You held me on the fairground ride
Because I didn’t like it at all
It seems I’m not so good when I’m not in control
We will never be this young again
I must have looked so scared, the boy slowed the ride…
Alpine Zoo
We spent the day in an Alpine Zoo
In February; the sun was low in the sky
All alone on the mountain
It seemed the animals were hiding
A goat was drinking from a tap
The water running down his beard
See your breath in an Alpine Zoo
Fries and beer in the cold, cold sunshine and snow
Short of breath on the mountain
Above the town and it was your birthday
And all the bears were sleeping
The wolves were silently watching
The otter seemed to be hiding
The lynx sitting halfway up a tree
We spent the day in an Alpine Zoo
We spent the day in an Alpine Zoo
A spring day in an Alpine Zoo…
Good Days And Bad Days
Well I know you get stressed
And you start to think those other days
Turned out to be our best
And I know how it seems
Like you’re never ever going to
Ever really going to feel at ease…
Well the worst is yet to come
It’s all piled up ahead of us
The death, the pain, the loss, the hurt
So please, let’s make the most of this
Or we end up fighting
Fighting for things we’ve already won…
Well the best is yet to come
It comes with realising and accepting
However far we get there’ll always be
Good days and bad days
So don’t think about things too much
Don’t think about things too much
Or we end up fighting got things
We’ve already won…
I Can Wait
If you’re telling me you can find
A cure for all this illness and suffering
Stop so many people crying
I can wait
I can wait…
If you’re saying you can make this right
With all the pain and the chemo, because I can’t bear to just sit here
And watch somebody disappear
I can wait
I can wait…
If you think you can explain
That things happen for a reason and these tears fall for a purpose
Beyond coping with the loss
I can wait
I can wait…